Each year of university has been a completely different animal to handle. I feel that over the past two years I've overcome substantial hurdles and managed to tie myself up in knots, in almost equal amounts. First year provided a shed full of confidence, new techniques and skills, nurturing of existing skills and exciting opportunities. Second year consisted of two steps forward and one step back in my opinion. I excelled with set briefs and collaboration which were two of my biggest fears to begin with, but drifted into a minefield of identity based crisis'. I've learnt to separate normal fears from anxious worrying which has helped my productivity and self-motivational skills,
So starting third year I reserved three bags full of hopes, mainly to overcome my biggest demon, the concrete wall cemented between premise and product. For me, talking about my ideas, what i'm excited about and what gets my goat is a breeze, as is writing about it. Language is simple and I have no problem articulating what I have to say in this way. When it comes to technique I'm comfortable using paint, sculpture, photography, pen and paper, I am neither jack of all trades of master of one but I am satisfied I can create. However, what I am dissatisfied with, (well closer to horrifically frustrated with) is not being able to transfer my notes and ideas into something visual. My developmental process is entirely illogical, basically all over the place and on occassion non-existant. Working late into the night every few days works on a 'creatively fuelled purge' basis but not long-term. It puts me out of step for the remainder of the week, ruins my energy levels and affects my attendance. I've started with tackling my perception of the end result, and tried to divert my focus into the process and developmental stages of any project. I hope to build on this by using my knowledge and love of language into 'attachments' to blend the early stages and create a step-by-routine to enable the utilisation of my ideas. By applying the idea of 'little and often' to my working process, the pieces I create should progress contextually and leave me with a greater volume of work. If I can hone this into a habit I will have automatically opened doors for myself in terms of which briefs I can comfortably take on.
On a different note, I also hope to finish the course with a strength in technological software, i.e photoshop, illustrator, in-design etc which I previously thought a waste of time. I already happily enhance and edit my work on Photoshop and I have basic knowledge of In-design but now that I've set aside my differences with technology I feel it would be appropriate to strengthen my skills in this area so as not to restrict myself when I'm released into such a competitive industry.
As far as fears go, I'm guessing the most obvious answer is not achieving my hopes. I'm not terrified of failure though. In my eyes every time you fail at something, you fail better each time, as Churchill once said; "Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiam." So in place of being afraid of failure, i'd say my main fear is based on losing sight of what I'm striving for. Having no passion or goals to reach for, having nothing to say and an empty mind scares the hell out of me. Naturally I'm fearful of finishing University, after being safe and sound in education for has been my nightlight for twenty two years and although I'm no stranger to the world of work, I am quite aware becoming a successful illustrator does not get handed to you on a plate.
And of course, I'm a little bit scared of Gary.
Moving onto opportunities I would have to say that I'm really looking forward to working with Age UK again early next year. It was an emotional rollercoaster dealing with such a sensitive issue as dementia but entirely rewarding. The original brief was enjoyable to navigate and produce rich images for and after recently completing the third image for Age UK I am proud to say that early next year the pieces will be used in a publication and will become a possible selling point. Editorials are now an exciting opportunity for me especially as I get to see my work in context and it automatically sets me boundaries which my mind otherwise blurs. I have the pleasure of meeting with graduate Ben Jones for a portfolio viewing at the end of November which will hopefully give me an insight into the fast-paced world of editorial based briefs, as he has recently championed the New York Times.
I'll let you know how it goes.
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