Franz Kafka, Carl Plackman and Me.

“I am always trying to convey something that can’t be conveyed, to explain something which is inexplicable, to tell about something I have in my bones, something which can be expressed only in the bones.”

Written by German writer Franz Kafka, a quote to sum up the week, and basically the entirety of third year so far. Over summer I turned some corners, but it's definitely not enough. I've become more confident as a person and towards my work, I've focused on my weaknesses, took time to adapt my skills photographically and accessed new briefs outside of University. Yet, as I have been told on too many occasions, I still fail to connect what I say or write to my product. I don't attach meaning from the premise through development. I am not oblivious to this fact. It's incredibly frustrating for everyone involved and sounds horrendously cliche but I genuinely don't know how to express myself. I've suffered with severe anxiety for a number of years and always attempted to stop it affecting my life, of course constantly over-thinking mundane tasks is tiresome but it's never been a real problem until now. Feeling overwhelmed has stunted my productivity. I've come as far as to isolate what matters to me and what I have to say which I've struggled with for a long time now but I still feel paralyzed when it comes to taking the words and putting them into pictures. I'm beginning to doubt my ability in all areas of Illustration. I need to put the hours in, work out what needs to be said and what needs to be left alone and stop disappointing myself.

I know that success always comes after a struggle and I won't be beaten, but I'm terrified it'll take more than this year to achieve clarity. I've determined to move past this, and swiftly. Finding artist and photographer Carl Plackman has been a huge helping hand in understanding that awkwardness and feeling uncomfortable are not necessarily negative, that nothing is what it seems and what you find on the surface is usually related to something completely oppositional underneath. His works examines the communication and obstruction, using sham objects and animals as metaphor. 

Hung, Drawn and Quartered (1975)
Nine separate elements; Three drawings, three objects and three b/w photographic prints.

As he described: "No object in this world is neutral. In a sense they are embodiments of value systems which have been decided by others." So by each individual attaching meaning to the objects, a different narrative is written and projected through the drawings and installation. I want to be able to create with simplicity, for others to take something valuable from my work, or even just to spend ten minutes wondering after it.